Wednesday, October 29

Tired of explaining it

At any place in this world - save, perhaps, for the “Only Happy Singles Club” - pretty much the same thing happens when you drop a remark about being a single and loving your life this way.

The usual first response of any non-single hearing you say something like that is “Oh no, you’re not, you’re just saying it to justify your way of life”. Why the hell do I have to justify my way of life?

Um, perhaps because you’re a single? Singles can’t be happy, you know.

That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard ... and who are you, by the way?

Me? I’m Everybody, Everybody Knows. I’m the personification of the ultimate truth that’s known to everyone.

Okay, Mr. ... Mrs. ... Miss ... wait a moment, what are you? That black cloak is pretty much covering all of you up.

I’m a ... well, actually I’ve got no gender, you know. I’m representing the majority, after all.

Nice. So, practically speaking, you’re an ‘it’?

I prefer being a ‘they’, thank you very much.

They it is, then. So, where do you take that idea from? Why can’t singles be happy?

Well, humans need a relationship. Everyone who’s not got one has to be unhappy, because people with a relationship are happy.

Right. And what about the women getting abused by their ‘relationship’? I don’t think they are happy.

Oh, please, they only have to find the right partner and they’ll be happy.

And the abusing partner?

Well, if he found the right partner, he’d be happy, too, and not abuse anybody any longer.

You do live on the same planet and in the same reality I live in, do you? Why don’t you go back to the pub where people talk in your name so often?

Anyway, where was I? Right, justifying my way of life. Why do I have to do that? If I claimed I were eating living chicken for dinner, I’d understand people speaking about having to justify that. But the only ‘crime’ I have committed is actually living on my own. What kind of crime is that?

Nevertheless, it’s always the same and I’m so tired of it by now. Even my best friend Heike spent quite some time trying to set me up with someone. You live alone - especially as a woman - and everyone immediately thinks you’re looking for a new relationship. A woman on her own simply must be looking for her Prince Charming. Thanks, but no thanks.

I do not think everyone should give up their relationship and be a single. But, just as I accept people wanting and maybe even needing a relationship, I demand to be accepted as someone who, at this time, doesn’t want or need one, too. I can’t say what the future might bring. I might stumble upon the perfect partner tomorrow and change my point of view. But right now I’m a single and I love it.

Why do I love it? Because I’m on my own. I can do what I want when I want it - at least when I’m not at work. I can walk around naked in my flat (which is cosy for one, but would be a tad small for two). I can get up and go to sleep whenever I want. I can eat what I want when I want it.

This might sound a tad egoistic to you, but let me put it like that: I like being able to decide on my own what to do - and to stick to that decision. Were I in a relationship, I would have to (and probably also want to) compromise about things. I would do that for the right person, but I haven’t found that person yet - and I don’t see a point in actively looking.

I do not feel like I’m missing something. I do not feel happy all the time, but I don’t think anyone does. I feel happy often enough. My life is not dark and lonely, just because I’m walking my way alone. There are challenges that might be easier with a partner, but I enjoy tackling them on my own.

I’m a single and I love it! Deal with it and stop getting on my nerves!

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