Harassment

After reading about the topic in various posts and articles on various sites, I really start to wonder: Is it just me? Is it my country? Is it the town I live in?

When I read about women being basically harassed on a daily basis while walking down the street or waiting for a bus and compare this to my own daily experience, I realize I seem to be quite lucky. It might be the fact that I’m not exactly attractive, but I’ve never been treated that way by men. It might also be the fact that I live in a rather small town (about 40,000 inhabitants overall). It might be the fact that I live in Germany, too.

I’d personally opt for a combination between my less than good looks and the place I live. It surely is different in big cities. And I’m quite sure it’s different for a very attractive women. Still, in Germany you’d rather find young men acting that rude, catcalling after you or bluntly asking you personal question (or just “Baby, wanna fuck?”). Older men might think it - or try it on a woman they work with, after a certain time -, but they would never outright act like that in public. And, as a woman of above thirty, I’d ignore some young idiot anyway.

But what can you do, if it happens? Well, the moment someone tries to force you to do something (like trying to pull you into a car), you’re justified to act in self-defence, even if it means giving him a bloodied nose for it. I wouldn’t just hit someone for saying something rude, I’d probably ignore that person. But the moment I get attacked - physically or just verbally - I’d fight back.

Then, on the other hand, I’m not a typical woman, maybe that’s one more reason why people don’t try such stuff on me. I’ve read once that there’s a certain air to people who are insecure or easy to frighten. If you exclude that air, men might think it easy to intimidate you. If you don’t exclude that air, they might go look for someone else to intimidate.

What would I answer to someone saying “Baby, wanna fuck”?

Well, probably “In your dreams, if ever”.

I’m also good at pointedly ignoring people who try to provoke me. A man sitting opposite to me in the train, for example, and basically juggling his own balls (if you get my drift) would be ignored. A man trying to strike a conversation with me and acting as if I were some kind of slut would also find himself speaking in monologue. It might not be the most efficient way of acting, but it usually works. And if they try something really physical, they’ll find out I’m not that preoccupied at all...

But usually ignoring works best. It might even be the most painful reaction of a woman: not taking any notice of your antics at all. (But then, my mother only got one sexually harassing call in her life. She answered the phone, a man moaned into it and she just said “you asshole” and hung up. That guy never called again...)

Self-confidence seems to be the real key. If you’re self-confident, but not provoke actions yourself, people tend not to mess with you. It’s kind of a ‘I won’t hurt you if you don’t hurt me’-deal.